Got depressed for a week or so just recently. Doing better now. No reason motivating the episode, just came out of nowhere— like the last time, a couple months back. Having lived with depression my whole life, there’s usually a reason; I mean, not an actual reason necessarily, but my mind will always find something to fixate on and call the reason. So the fact that it hasn’t these last couple times is strange in the extreme. As is the fact that the episodes have ended just as abruptly as they began. The first time around I was thinking the differences may be because of transitioning; depression is biochemical and changes as we age, so of course things’ll be different after upending your hormones.
But now I’m almost 100% certain it’s “because of transitioning” for a different reason. A while back I switched to a form of estradiol where you get a pellet implanted every few months (as opposed to taking pills twice a day or patches/injections every few days). You’ll notice this “couplefew months” bit sounds familiar… How long the pellets last varies per person, with a prior expectation of three months. The first time around I went that three months; and was depressed for a bit over a month at the end (which is absurdly short for my depressive spells). The second time around, this time around, I went 10 weeks; and was depressed for “two” weeks. I put the two in scarequotes because a week into it L suggested it may be hormonal, so I started taking some of my leftover pills. And began feeling profoundly better after a day or two. Got the new pellet today and can already feel its effect above and beyond the irregularities of pills. Next time I’m aiming for 8 weeks.
So, yeah. I’ve known T / lack of E is a major component of my depression. When I first started HRT I almost immediately started feeling happier than I’d ever been. I often joke how HRT is the best antidepressant I’ve ever tried. (Which is a lot funnier when talking to my psychiatrist, who knows how many I’ve tried and saw how quickly & effectively HRT worked.) But yeah, apparently it’s far more integral than I ever realized. The effects are just so immediate and drastic. They set in long before the hotflashes, headaches, and other symptoms of hormonal imbalance.
So for any other ladies out there on pellets —whether trans or on HRT for other reasons (and I’m sure this applies to men too)— if your depression returns in the vicinity of when you’re due for a new pellet, do be sure to consider that as a possible cause and adjust your schedule as appropriate.